black tongue & crowns

It was just a week ago when I was bragging about our wonderful spring weather in January. Loving my daisy blooms then the gray clouds came, never left for five whole days & voila, our little barrio on a carpet of immaculate white snow. It started with sleet then finally it turned into snow pouring entirely the whole day yesterday & all through the night. It were the biggest, most wonderful snowflakes I have ever seen. This magnificent downpour of snow cost us our power supply the whole night enough for our thick walls to withstand the freezing temperatures. 

This landscape is not an ordinary sight here in the south of France that the panic & chaos on the road is obliged. But even in the midst of non-stop snow, I still went to my appointment with the dentist. I have been trying to see her since we moved here & it would be a good opportunity to have her check my teeth before I get my dental crown in Manila. I didn't really intend to tell her about this plan but it seemed to me she was ready for the x-rays & for a temporary crown. I already know the exorbitant cost of dental care in France & it is normal protocol for them to present you your choices & especially the cost, which didn't look like her protocol at all. With that, I blurted my plan & the dentist's face changed dramatically. 

It's obvious that I shouldn't have but a dental crown here costs 610€ each, and I don't urgently need just one but three. In total, my bill would be 2,640€, with only 480€ reimbursement from the Social Security (which totals to 2,100€). I continued telling her that the prices are really steep & that a lot of French are resorting to seeing university students or even traveling to Spain or Italy for their dental work. To which she disagreed saying that if these teeth needed care, she wouldn't even accept the patient. She then added that this price is not even expensive if you think about it.

At first I felt so ashamed for not having tact & ethics but after replaying it in my head, maybe I really wanted her to know how outrageous this price is for a crown (300€ for a crown is still painful but at least more affordable). I even asked her if I could still come back to see her for the rest of my dental work even if I decide not to do the crowns with her. Although the air was so damp with awkwardness, she still managed to say yes & making sure to let me know that she is not happy. I guess I need a new dentist (again) & in the end, I thought her approach of not even proposing her dental fees before anything else & not accepting patients with teeth she didn't do, seems like business to me. I'll take my chances on paying double if necessary. How could fake teeth cost so much?

Like I said, we're going to pay for our wonderful winter weather but I don't mind twice or thrice a year of snow, especially when you wake up with a view like that. Snow is still magic.

of nothing & some things

With January almost over, we’re having such a wonderful winter. It's so wonderful that even my plants are confused. My daisies are in full bloom & my strawberries are pushing new baby leaves. We use the sunlight that beams in the house so we rarely have the heaters on during the day. Not that I'm complaining but it is a bit scary to have spring weather during winter. Like spoiled brats with a tab to pay later.

So, New Year. As if it was just yesterday I talked about the year that passed. It's either I have really nothing to blog about anymore or time is just so speed that I keep on forgetting to blog about things that seem to matter.   

The very first thing I did on the second day of the year was to get an empty gas bottle for our stove. We always empty it on a sunday. While paying for the said bottle in a gas station, I noticed a man who just couldn't resist staring at me from afar while he puts gas on his car. I would have loved being viewed at if it was a yummy jeune homme. But it happened to be an old guy with a bobbing pony tail & cowboy boots. He even stopped & stared one last time just in front of me before he drove away. And we say that we pinoys stare a lot when we see white skin or blonde hair. They do stare a lot too. And they're likewise not even the slightest embarassed to do so.

I believe this is the year I heard people talk about "New Year's Resolution" the least. Never really made one. Any other day is as good to begin anew. What I wanted to do is to try something new for 30 days (thank you Chesca for sharing this). It is like a 30 day challenge to do something you've always wanted by starting with small, attainable projects. It is said 30 days is about the right amount to form or subtract a habit. I loved the idea that I came up with a list of new things I wanted to try, or habits I wanted to form & take out of my life. So, I thought of starting my 30 day challenge with procrastinating less by starting with the littlest everyday things. But yes, I still do have to start the challenge.

Every year that ends & begins, I become more & more grateful for so many blessings, even with a difficult & trying past year. The more we hope for good health. To worry less & laugh more. To complain a lot less & appreciate much more. To care less & live more. I have not been productive for such a long time - literally & biologically - I'll start with doing a lot less of those & more of the rest. So much to look forward to but not looking too far because if there's one thing that keeps biting me in the ass is change. Making each day count with the things that really matter the most. And sometimes this is how we see the world differently.  

in between seasons

Christmas only struck me the other day when lights were set up on our barrio's streets & lamp posts. I almost felt a weird pressure about the holidays this year. This time I didn't even wonder whether to decorate or not (not). I think I've finally outgrown the Christmas spirit that I want to crawl in a hole & come out when it's over. I actually feel remorse about this that it makes me squirm to that same hole nevertheless.

Needless to say, I am more excited to escape a good part of winter for the sun & sea back home. I have already scheduled moments of idle pleasure under a coconut tree on powdery white sands with cocktails under a scorching tropical sun. And among our brief stay in paradise, I will be back to my former life. The life I left 11 years ago & regularly look forward to recapturing everytime I'm there. But then this time, there was a sudden & rude awakening that home has become like a room that you know it's there but you can never go in. It just doesn't feel like you're part of your past, a tourist in your own home.

On the surface, I would always remember what my mother told me the first time I came home after 4 years of France - "How come you don't look like somebody who came from France?" And she was so right since I purposely wore the same clothes I left with 4 years ago. Like time just stopped. While in the former life, I was almost never behind the latest fad, now I always come home with awe & surprise like I was living in a cave all this time. But looking like 10 years has passed you by is really nothing, what with all the malls & the incessant updates from television shows & commercials, and even billboard advertising!

It's finding again the people you had tremendous memories with & you realize that it does not make any connection anymore like it used to. There are just a very few friends who even after years of no contact, would still be the same like it was just yesterday. Then there are people you didn't expect to be as happy seeing you back home. But it's normal, I guess. I left, life went on, we all made new memories & things are never the same for everybody. And the memories made when we were younger can never have the same impact now that is why we can never have the same kind of friendship later in life.

These days I feel I'm in between homes. I still don't quite feel at home here in France, as much as I try & I don't feel at home anymore back in Manila. Thank goodness for family. It is obliged to be the same no matter how many years it has been. Family, even with the usual squabble, is the only place you will always feel at home.

I am a perpetual tourist & I have to admit that I want to again be lost in translation somewhere else, building rooms of a former life. Afterall, we always find ourselves revelling the people in each room through a window while we all get on with our lives.

Where is your home?